EP30: Embodying Authenticity: The Peace of Being Who You Are (Part 3)

Embodying Authenticity: The Peace of Being Who You Are

with Karis & Nicholas

After awareness and disruption comes embodiment -  the lived experience of truth.

In this final episode of the Authenticity Series, Karis and Nicholas explore what it feels like when the masks fall away and you finally start breathing as yourself.

They unpack the nervous system’s role in authentic living, the unlearning of false selves, and the practices that make truth feel like home again.

Expect grounded wisdom, poetic truth, and practical guidance for turning self-work into soul-anchored living.

Because peace isn’t something you chase — it’s what rises when you stop pretending.

Three Key Takeaways

1. Authenticity lives in the body, not the mind - When your nervous system feels safe, truth flows effortlessly.
2. Unlearning is liberation - Letting go of your survival identities makes space for your real self to breathe.
3. Peace is the reward - The more congruent you become, the more life aligns around your truth — in love, business, and legacy.

If you’re enjoying Your Frequency Shift Podcast, leave a rating on Apple or Google Podcasts—it helps more people discover this work.

⚡ Discover where your energy is leaking → Take the Quiz

Private Coaching • Corporate Coaching • Retreats

Explore what’s possible for you at frequencycoaching.com

Connect with us on Instagram:

Nick: @vonpitt

Karis: @karis_topkin

Transcript

welcome to your frequency shift podcast
hi I'm Nick
hi I'm Karis
together we help founders
leaders and families recalibrate life
love and business at the level that actually matters
your nervous system and your frequency in this space
in this space
we speak honestly about the things that drain you
and the practices that restore you
from relationships and polarity
to leadership and legacy
we strip it back so that you can show up fully alive
at home and in the boardroom
whether it's the two of us
or powerful guest joining in
this podcast is here to help you shift
hi everyone
welcome back to your frequency shift podcast
I am Caras here with Nick
and over the last two episodes
we've explored where our patterns come from
when we're talking about authenticity
and showing up authentically in this world
the patterns that we are inheriting from family stories
and guilt and people pleasing
and what it cost to break them
but today we get to talk about what you gain
because living authentically is not just heavy work
forever it is a doorway to peace as well
it's fundamental to living and touching
what creativity is and what real connection is
and actually living in a body
that finally feels like it can exhale
yeah um
this this episode's really focused on embodiment
and not theory not just processing
but the actual lived experience of truth um
and I'm gonna start off with a quote again
with Gabor mate and he says
when we choose authenticity over attachment
we reclaim our sense of aliveness
and this is where the nervous system
where identity and where spirituality all meet
so when when you're aligned with your truth your
your nervous system feels different you
you breathe differently you sit differently
so what is that what does it look like
cause I wanna get an image of someone well your
your face softens um your
your shoulders aren't you know
up against your neck your jaw is not clenched
yes you're
you've dropped the
the tongue down from the roof of your mouth
you are not clenching your toes aren't curling
you're not fidgeting you're
you're not necessarily looking around and waiting to
to be attacked or berated in some way
shape or form um
you
you move from this sympathetic state of having to prove
yourself mm hmm
which is a continuous action
that's an interesting way of looking at that
part of the nervous system
and that energy into your ventral vagal state
which is just this calm connected
open demeanor and you'll feel
you're not necessarily trying to close yourself
off from interacting with people
it's this open embrace not just with yourself
and whatever is feeling alive with you in the moment
but with the life that is happening around you
it's interesting cause you'll actually like
you'll be able to see people who operate
in their lives like that
and you'll be able to see them in a room like
immediately cause once you see them
it's almost like your nervous system attunes to them
and you feel like ugh
I can relax a little bit you know
like
and it's interesting that you bring up that that quote
um by Gabor Mate
because I listened to a podcast with him recently
and in there he speaks about how he was
he's still very tearful in the podcast
where he talks about um
reading Winnie the Pooh and there's this part at
where he reaches the end of the thing
and so Christopher
Robin now has to explain to his toys
that he won't be able to play with them anymore
because he's going to school now
and the the last line of that book is that
somewhere in the enchanted forest
a little boy is playing with his yeah
a little boy and a bear of playing forever
or something along those lines
and he explained why it made him so emotional
cause he just said you know
he if he could do it again
he would do it completely differently
because in this life
he did so much to prove his existence
to prove his worth like
he is worthy of his existence
through the expression of like
of hard work
and in essentially like working hard
he sacrificed or gave up his playfulness and his joy
and his creativity and all of those things
because he wanted to prove his existence through like
his hard work and what he did
and he was relating
back to the guy that was interviewing him
because he said every like for a couple of weeks
he takes off his business and his
podcast so that he can go and spend time with his wife
and his kids unplugged
and that is the best thing for him for his business
for his creativity cause he gets to like
plug into the light that he's creating
instead of being a bystander of it
I think when we speak about wanting to prove our worth
you know sometimes we aren't really aware of like how
how big that is in the space
you know and just um
yeah I just wanted to share
share that story I think also just maybe how I
I would translate that for myself
having that been a big part of my
my own journey that that bystander as you mentioned
um I think the it's
it's interesting it's
it's also it's it's like your
using all these vanity metrics to validate
your existence be it through social media be it through
you in the business
and what your ARR and MRR looks like
what your closing ratio looks like
how much content are you producing
how many reports are getting done
what is the the level of execution
what is the the speed in which one is executing
and it's it's this continuous um
process where you're trying to get up this ladder
that never essentially ends
because the expectation
the the need for proof becomes more and more and more
to validate your success to validate this status
to validate this identity that you've had to build
to essentially validate who and what you are
that's interesting cause when I look at the
that concept that you spoke about
that's almost been force fed to us
from the time that we're little
is that there's this lie that is told constantly
where we translate our worth
as like productivity the more productive you are
the more worthy the more you are
the more that you are able to and and
and I'm not saying don't fulfill your dreams
don't go after them
don't like reach your full potential
all of those things it's not what you're doing
it's how you're doing it
if you're doing this and sacrificing
you know the whole reason why you started doing this
which is so that you can spend time with your kids
and to live joyfully and to like
find that creativity in yourself again
it's so counter intuitive
I'm doing this so that I can have more of this
but I traded that in because the numbers mean more
the metrics mean more
this lie I've been told I like I believe it
which is that yeah
I'm only worth it when I'm productive
and when I get to this point
then then I can relax
yeah then I can plug in
then I'm worth enough I've proved my worth enough
that I can actually go and enjoy
the life that I've created
but at that point in time
it's too late you're already living in a survival state
so
much so that it doesn't matter how much time you have
you will sleep but you will never feel rested
you will work but you will never feel fulfilled
and so this is the thing is
it's such a like fine balancing act
because you actually don't catch yourself
like it's such a slow um
like you don't catch yourself until you're like in it
you know once that thing is like
built so much momentum that it's like
whoa how did we get here
you know and so yeah
I mean I think it's also an invitation to be able to
look at where you are in
in that like space and then
catch yourself you know
there's an obvious like
it doesn't matter how far along you are
you can always just sort of like bring yourself back in
and it's so interesting
because with a lot of the clients that I've had
that have a very
they have a very um
yeah similar thing with like productivity
it's also a thing with decentering
their parents in their lives
and recognizing that they are the adults
within their lives versus someone else's
like making the decision for me or someone has to OK
what I want to do
and that's one of the things
that also comes back to regulation
no one is going to give you a permission slip
or sign your permission slip
so that you can be more regulated
no one is going to tell you okay
this is enough you've been productive enough
you've done all the work you know
now you can rest
there's no you don't you don't have that
and so it's important to really look at like
you know
I am like the master of my own life
I'm the grown up here
I'm an amazing person who gets to have an amazing life
and I get to live it how I want
and that comes with regulation
it comes with boundaries it comes with discipline
and I also wanted to say that a lot of the principles
and the things that we share within this podcast are
are very simple but simple does not mean easy
and I think that's the Mark of real authenticity
because it's not about perfection
it is about regulation
because you can really only express yourself freely
when when your when your when your body feels safe
when your your mind feels safe
to be able to
move into that response in your nervous system
because when you feel peaceful
when you're when you're peaceful
you're you're nourished you're rested
and that's when your authentic energy becomes magnetic
and I love what Florence Scovel Shinn said
which is
faith is when faith knows it's already received
and it acts accordingly
and when you live authentically
it feels like that
if you're acting from an inner security
instead of hustling for this external permission
so when I feel into the questions for that in terms
of how do I spot check myself
when I'm moving through these big things
it's like do I feel rushed
do I feel tight in my body
or do I feel open and grounded
the second one I think is
am I moving from joy or fear from of disapproval
and lastly
does my body feel like home when I'm speaking my truth
or do I feel spacey and flighty
and I don't even feel like I'm in my body
so when we move into
what it means to actually unlearn these false selves
there needs to yeah I don't know
you for for myself it's understanding that like
authenticity is not self improvement
it's unlearning that this false self
the performer the pleaser
the controller whatever you
you you identify with
when those layers actually start falling away
you remember who you are and what your natural state is
which is calm creative and connected
hundred percent and it's
it's just also recognizing that
that unlearning comes with loss
that that unlearning is
recognising that the identity that you've built
is one that is built around survival
and it's gonna resist dying in
in certain you know
circles you'd call it an ego death
it's a part of yourself that doesn't that wants to
doesn't wanna go into the good night yeah
so it's actually quite funny
um this
this bit here the unlearning that that comes with loss
that actually inspired the the uh
Power League quiz that
I did with the different archetypes
and it all ties into um
this idea and if you actually
view it through this lens of authenticity
you can actually see oh
this is where I'm actually fighting so um
I would invite anyone that hasn't taken it yet
please go jump on it's on frequency coaching.com
you'll be able to click through there
and it's about 3 minutes um
so look the beauty with this identity shift is that
depending on how you go about it
it's either going to be this fight
or it's just gonna feel like a shedding
and I'd even say
it can dissolve when you're at peace with this process
so you'll notice as you
as you begin to shift from this identity
as if you're just taking a deep breath in
and you're just it's a gentle exhale
and you can feel this lightness
and this openness that arises
and a couple of questions that you could ask yourself
is you know what part of me needs unlearning first
and this is just you gently filtering and
and focusing that inner GPS
and what new word or affirmation could I claim
as truth for myself
and maybe that could be something on in the
in line of I am enough I am allowed to rest
I am safe to be seen
I am valuable for being who and what I am yeah
I'm not a human being
I'm a human doing that switch that you
get to make into I am a human being
I'm not a human doing um
it's it's just this beautiful process
as we begin to unlearn and we begin to cope
and I'd even say there's a grieving process
because I find that it's quite
it's quite cyclical as well
even the when you have the conscious awareness
and you recognise
that this is something that you're letting go of
and it's that pattern
and it's the way that you identify and see the world
that you do not want to necessarily let go of that
because that actually feels unsafe
the letting go in itself feels unsafe
that feels uncomfortable in the nervous system
well when when safety does not feel like home
like when you're used to chaos
and when you're used to like not being sure
or people was holding things from you or
you know you can't sit down until you know
you've done all the risk the tasks on the thing
if you grew up in a household like that
now you're an adult
and you don't have a grown up there
waiting with a stick or
just with this disapproving look
to push you to do what you need to do
how do you then show up
because I find a lot of people actually
struggle with this because peace feels performative
so how do you then make this switch
where it actually feels real
cause I found in the beginning of my journey
people would look at me and be like
oh you know
Karis is so chilled and she's so Zen
and underneath I'm like huh
I'm struggling here
and I had to make an internal switch for myself
it's like okay
if I'm not feeling peaceful on an internal level
what are the switches that I need to make
and first of all was the rest component yes
like I need to look at what rest means to me and like
help my nervous system to feel regulated
and being able to sleep early
regulated in rest yeah
yeah cause you don't
you don't know rest when you're in survival
you just know pushing through
you just know okay
on to the next one this is just a limiting belief yeah
we it's hustle hustle hustle
and there's this thing with that 1% mentality yeah
I don't believe in 10 x
you don't wanna do like
I just think of every single Instagram
meme that pops up
which is you don't wanna just 2 x your business
you wanna 10 x your business
and if you're doing this you're doing this wrong
and it's just it's that mentality
like these people don't switch off
it's psychopathic it's actually the new addiction
I didn't say this entire this
this hustle culture and um
like that that performance mindset
who's that guy that you like to reference
um
a lot of your clients also like him
the business guy that always wears that
snore strip on his nose oh
that's so Rosie oh my gosh
that man needs a nap you know
there was a part in his podcast
thing that popped up for me
and I was like ooh
this is problematic because he references slavery
with this whole mentality
he's like yeah slaves
let's let's dive into slaves
slaves never rested
they worked sometimes 22 hour days and they were fine
and I'm like but they didn't live for very long
cause they never rested so
he's basically saying that
everyone needs to have a slave mentality
to get to get this done it
but it's it's crazy
and so many people are buying into that'cause
I hear so many guys or even women just quoting
I like samoza and I'm like um
you are being a slave to this system
or some other machine like
why not create something for yourself
and actually just start like
you know you can
you're allowed to rest you know
you're a human being we need to stay on topic
otherwise
we're gonna jump into deconstructing capitalism today
instead of looking at authenticity
um
but you know
if we if we're going to really look at um
you know
identity in itself and looking at this new self
when you begin this process of living authentically
you stop identifying with pain
mmm pain is no longer a motivator
mmm
I find with so many of the incredible people that I
I get to work with
and I worked with over the years
pain and that survival instinct is
is such a big motivator still
it's the it's the whole carrot on the stick
and there was a there's a client uh
that I worked with a few years back
and he used to talk about these two wolves
yeah and it's
you know and he needs
mine was very clear like
which one am I feeding every single day
and it was basically
him talking about the two different parts of himself
the one that's moving forward and expanding
and holds his vision the other one that is
you know it's small and dark and small
yes controlled by people
and it was just very interesting
um and I think
a lot of people tussle with that internal dialogue in
in some way shape or form
especially when they are pushing and they are seeking
um you know
to be seen in this identity
so
what you're essentially doing
when you are making the shift is
you're setting a new reference point
and that reference point isn't just a
a mental shift it's also a nervous system shift
yeah and it's now not the person healing
but it's this person that is living
that is choosing life it's interesting
when we look at it through the lens of parenting
because for our children like
Nick and I have
used to be very motivated by the pain of something
whether it be not having something
with the pain of whatever
you know and it's so interesting
cause my kids don't work like that at all
ha ha ha you know
they don't care if anything's taken away
or whatever else
they're just gonna find another way or like
so yeah no
no um
it's interesting to observe
people who don't operate with um
like pain being the like the motivator or the the
the the big thing in the space
but that's what flipped the script for me
you know I think one of the things is just identity
once you go into that nervous system shift
it's your identity becomes fluid again
because you also realize that you're not your job
you are not your relationship status
you are not the things that happen to you
you are not your trauma story
you are not just mother you are not just yeah
you you
you are a living expression of consciousness
constantly remembering yourself
and that
is the thing that gives you the freedom to play
to create and to love without this performance
so here's a
here's a way to practically practice
embodied authenticity hmm
that's a lot of practically practicing papa
papa
so there's there's five ways where you can
ground into authenticity um
within your nervous system
so this process of regulate first and respond second
so start every important conversation with three
slow breaths I
I still like the physiological side
so if you have any idea of who Andrew Huberman is um
it's basically two inhales
one quick short inhale through the nose
just to prime the lungs and open them up
and then a long inhale and you pause for a moment
and then you exhale longer than you inhaled
and you can do that
if you're driving if you're walking
and it's just a really good place to start
and ensure that you exhale through the mouth
the next one would be a word ritual
so I've actually used this with a couple of clients
so pick a morning word
peace truth
openness for example
and then repeat it
whenever you catch that inner critic
arising in your system
so um
like today I'm with one of my clients
I just said well
let's
let's look at how you're speaking about your health
and well being
instead of saying I am sick
I am this I am that
and speaking that onto yourself and onto your life
yeah why not speak the opposite
like I am I am constantly evolving and recovering
my body is powerful I am what to do
yes it build instead of break
oh my gosh you know
now that you're talking about that
that's you that
the thing that flipped the script for me
was that story about that guy
who accidentally like they got the
they got the papers wrong or the room wrong
but they gave this woman a terminal diagnosis
and they told her that she has four months
to live but then when she died and they did the autopsy
they found she had no cancer in her body
they gave her the wrong diagnosis
but this just goes to show how like
powerful it is when people speak diagnosis over you
you can also not claim that that as truth for you
you can just say you know what
my body is moving through something right now
I'm recalibrating and I know how to get back on track
yes I'm learning how to rest I'm learning yeah
I'm relearning things and my body's just recalibrating
that's it next one would be then the body check
so you wanna look for tension
so you're looking for unspoken truth essentially
so look at your shoulders relax them
feel into your jaw and clench it if it's tight
you know
when you a good way to assess is like when you wake up
like how do you feel when you wake up
to see if you're actually like in a good state or not
because if you wake up with um
or if you have TMJ or tension in your jaw hmm
so are you either waking up as Homer Simpson
or you waking up as David Goggins
okay and I'm saying that because Homer Simpson
he just rolls out of bed he's he's he's fluid
that's true David Goggins
he's already got his shoes on and he's done 200 miles
listen by the time it's 5:00 he's lived a day already
um then the next one is an authenticity audit
so each night ask yourself
where did I honour myself today
No. 1 and where did I abandon myself today
and it's it's a good way just to
just to like check in and see well wow
so I I wore the mask here today
mhm this is not I
I didn't actually want to
have that conversation in that way
yeah but I reacted
I didn't respond I didn't take the breaths
I I didn't check in with my system
so notice like you can really use that
and that becomes a filter
yeah and you journal that on a day to day basis
it can be short and sweet
so you can start taking note
and start picking up patterns
so that could be a really
really in depth practice over time
and then looking at connection
um
choose connection in terms of
you know
spend time with people whose nervous systems feel safe
um and it's an interesting way of phrasing that
people that make you feel safe
open at ease at peace within yourself
you are essentially
calibrating to their to their energetic field
they're teaching you
this is why it's so important to co regulation
yeah it's a
it's important to assess like who we are around
if you go and look at like what
how the microbiome like our
our microbiome is affected by those
like the place that we're in and the people around us
this is also why
taking that into account is so important'cause
if you feel like you're toxic
and you're tired and all the things um
I'm not saying it's not you
but like maybe take a look at all
like at the people around you
you know
so it's in in the book um
that I'm referring to about um yeah
this guy talks about it's the black box of medicine
but like he makes reference to the
these people in the blue zones or the people that have
that live the longest it's because they have great
like they have a
an amazing
yeah they have amazing friends and family
and they connect to them constantly
so just bringing yourself into
into spaces where there's healthy
healthy people living authentically
and people who are happy and wow
is this going to feel triggering in the beginning
cause in my head cause I'd never seen this model
to me it was like whoa
you are pretending this is not real
this is a show and it's funny
when people are actually living authentically
we like
that's a mask yeah
that that that's
and it's so funny because it will trigger you
when you see people that are actually happy
that have boundaries yeah
that choose themselves yeah
that say no to things that don't align with them
that are unapologetic that look rested
that feel congruent to how they look
and how they show up
it's triggering for a lot of people
they're like
I just don't know why this person irritates me
yeah I mean
I spoke to my cousin yesterday
and she was just saying that
you know everyone is still so toxic
um she doesn't
she can't name anyone in a
in like uh
in the town that we were from that like
seems healthy or genuinely happy
and I this was one of my biggest motivators to
like leave
and come to a place where I can
connect to people who have a healthier world view and
like relationship with themselves
and healthier relationships with
like parent to child dynamics
and plug into that versus what I thought was my norm
and it is so interesting how much I've Learned
just being here
and not looking through the lens of my wounds
and looking at it through like ah
you know what it's not a mask
she's just out here enjoying her life
she doesn't have that like monkey on her back
and and tuning into that
and it was so interesting
cause once I let go of that story
I could actually let go of my monkey on my own back
so the reward for authenticity is peace
you know you sleep better
you breathe easier you live deeper
and you attract relationships that match your truth
instead of trauma because first of all
you stop chasing and then things just start aligning
and you know the
that alignment is contagious
it's magnetic
because your presence becomes regulation for others
your kids your team
your partner and they feel that calm
that regulation and they mirror
mirror it and that's the legacy
you know cause the
the energy you give in life
the energy you live in always returns to you
and authenticity what it does is it sends out peace
and it receives that peace back
so you know
the invitation is that
let authenticity become your nervous system's default
let it feel let
let let that truth feel like home to you
you know because
the point of all this work isn't to become someone new
it's to finally remember who you've been all along
the calm the
the connected the fully alive version of yourself
thanks for joining us on your frequency Shift podcast
so this completes our series on living authentically
and we hope it's inspired you to live in alignment
speak with clarity and rest in the truth of who you are
so thanks again for joining us on the
your frequency podcast and in the next episode
we'll be diving into how one sustains authenticity
the habits the rituals
and the environment that can help you live it
every single day
every shift begins with awareness
so if you're ready to see
where your energy is being drained
start with the Free Energy Leak Scorecard at
frequencycoaching.com
and when you're ready to go deeper
our coaching and retreats are there to help you embody
the clarity presence and power you were built for
until next time keep honouring your truth
protecting your energy
and living in the frequency of who you really are
you can make the shift