EP27: Presence Over Performance: Redefining Masculinity with Gareth Were

Welcome back to The Frequency Podcast - where performance meets presence, and business becomes a spiritual practice. In today’s episode, Nick is joined by Gareth Were, father, founder of Pie Me Cafe Endenich , and a man who’s walked the path from burnout to embodied leadership.

Together, they explore the invisible weight many men carry -the need to prove, the trap of doing, and the often-unseen cost of success. Gareth shares how heartbreak cracked him open, how burnout became a portal to presence, and how self-awareness has become the compass guiding his leadership.

This conversation is a permission slip to feel deeply, lead consciously, and remember that your greatest power doesn’t come from performance—it comes from truth.

3 KEY TAKEAWAYS

1. Burnout is an initiation - When the body breaks down, the soul often breaks through. Gareth reframes burnout as a sacred turning point.
2. Your leadership is only as strong as your self-awareness - The more Gareth leaned into inner work, the more clarity he found in how he leads people, business, and self.
3. Doing “the work” means feeling what you’ve been avoiding - From breathwork to boundaries, somatic practices to stillness, Gareth maps the layers of healing men must walk to reclaim peace and presence.
   
   

Connect with Gareth - https://www.instagram.com/gareth.patterson.were/

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Nick: @vonpitt
Karis: @karis_topkin

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Sending you love!

Transcript

welcome to your Frequency Shift podcast
I'm Nick VonPit and this is a place for leaders
founders and humans who are done running on empty
and ready to recalibrate life
business and love from the inside out
here we cut beneath the noise
we explore nervous system rewiring
embodied leadership relational polarity
and what it actually takes to live and lead
from clarity inner safety and power
sometimes it'll be me sometimes
we'll bring in voices with wisdom
you won't hear anywhere else
but every time
you'll leave with something that shifts your frequency
today I'm joined by someone I deeply respect
someone whose journey I've witnessed
both personally and professionally
Gareth Weir is a father a founder
and a man who has walked the path from grind
to grounded he is the owner and operator of Pymy Cafe
a growing hospitality brand
that's redefining what it means to lead with soul
in business but behind the brand is a story
one of awakening burnout
surrender and reclamation
Garrett isn't just a savvy businessman
he's a guide a teacher
and a living example of what it looks like
to do the inner work
while building something that lasts
he's facilitated retreats across Europe
supported countless others through their own evolution
and continues to walk this path
not as a guru but as a man in practice
this conversation is for anyone who's felt
the tension between building something great
and becoming someone who you can be proud of
so Gareth
thank you so much for being here
thank you for having me Nick
it's really wonderful to uh
see you again
and to take time to space together with you
and thank you for the uh
recognition and the kind words
yeah so I honestly just to
to see you today is just a
it's really wonderful just to take you in and just to
to honour you in your in your presence
um so diving right
right into everything let's
let's go from the beginning um
what was the moment or series of moments that
that started your your deeper awakening
when did the call to do something more
become undeniable
yeah so for me the uh
catalyst was a breakup I was in a relationship
uh in which
through no fault of anybody involved
but in which I abandoned myself
um in order to maintain the relationship
um this was not uh
clear to me at the time I was not conscious of it
but this is what I was doing
um the relationship
ended in the end I did not avoid the abandonment
uh and this really
really opened something in me
I was so heartbroken
I was so lost from myself and my worst and my purpose
um and it really cracked open my heart and in this
very raw painful uh
phase I was in quite quickly actually
there became an intuitive sense
that it had a greater purpose
which I had no kind of cognitive
uh
idea about what it was but I felt no
this is somehow serving me
this was a kind of a knowing and actually um
things started coming into my field
a bit like astrology uh
other spiritual um
phrases concepts
beliefs and they resonated
I was like ah
maybe this is what I'm experiencing
maybe this is what I'm experiencing ah attachment
um
and that's how my my journey began
and this was the beginning of actually a very
very intense phase of growth
where I gained so much clarity uh uh
and awareness um
and also
a large part due to the support I had at the time
which was from yourself and Karis
who I reached out to and uh
you guys created a beautiful container
and held me so
tenderly and so beautifully through that very painful
phase of recalibration
and really finding my way back to myself
so it really started with a heartbreak for me
you know I find that we
we end up going through this process where
we can't necessarily escape
the the feelings and sensations
and the reality that you're in
it just want everything wants to die
everything just wants to fall apart
but when was that when was that the
when did that point come into play
where you noticed that you just had to let go
of what you were holding on to
that undeniable factor like I
I know this is the path
but I just have to surrender to this path
that's availing itself to me
it was really um
it was really in that heartbreak phase
hmm um
for me there wasn't any resistance to this
it also didn't come from the mind
it wasn't a solution it wasn't a coping mechanism
it was felt
and since this point before in my life
I also lived through felt wisdom
or felt intelligence to do certain things
in my life
I've always had a good connection with my intuition
although I would say before my awakening
I was still unconscious still being controlled and uh
directed by my uh
inner wounding uh
coping mechanisms et cetera uh
beliefs et cetera lower self worth
but
I did always have a good connection with my intuition
this kind of inner intelligence
so for me after heartbreak
when this really
uh became loud inside me
there was actually no resistance
so there wasn't a point where I had to decide
I just went with the experience
and was completely open to it uh
which is a blessing
because it meant I could move really quite quickly
and I I know for some people
there is a strong resistance of the mind will doubt and
um reason against these kind of knowings and ideas
uh and some people struggle really
some people struggle for a long time
to break through this and to truly surrender
uh but in my case
it was really um natural
so there wasn't really like a breakpoint
it was just a natural part of that experience
following the the breakup
that's interesting cause normally we have the
the logical mind that that comes in
especially when change is presenting itself
and
you've essentially got this old identity
and set of paradigms and beliefs that
one is so used to living through
but you're being called to express yourself at a
at a higher level and you're being asked to let go
and to shed those layers and to move
to a different version of you
um that
that's amazing um
it's it's
that's a rarity on its own um
just just having that experience um
moving a little bit more into
you know the business side of things with that guy
so you've built this incredible business
Piney Cafe um
what has an entrepreneurship taught you about surrender
service and leading from the soul
and you use you use the word
you know felt that felt sense not just strategy
so I mean
uh entrepreneurship and
business is a a great teacher
it a huge teacher probably mostly because no
I'm feeling two things one is
because it provides you a direct
reflection of your inner state
you know the success of your business
whether it's in a flow
whether things unfold easily with synchronicity
or whether it's a struggle um
this um although I believe it's not like a direct
100% reliable reflection
because even recently I have business struggle
but it
it is a reflection of your self worth and your success
and mirrors back to you that's one thing and secondly
uh if you're not a solo business persons
perhaps offering a service as um yeah
whatever field just as a solo person
then you're gonna be dealing with people so I have
our 85 staff have a lot of different people
and when you're dealing with people
you're gonna have challenges
so the business is a great teacher
um
also the last five years has been so much upheaval in
uh in the business world
you notice beginning with covid
uh then also with various geopolitical tensions
uh supply chains
uh wars
economic crises energy crises in uh Europe
etcetera there's really been constant hurdles
and this has also invited
uh so much growth
do you find that
you know you having this conscious awareness and
and being I'd I'd even say self aware
do you find that that has become
maybe one of those indisposable tools that you
you call upon on a day to day basis
just recognizing where you're at
where you're showing up from and the
the understanding of your own bandwidth
when you are dealing with all these
different conflicts different walks of life
different individuals
and I suppose making some of these critical decisions
having 85 individuals that you're caring for
indirectly and directly I suppose
yeah I think uh
awareness and self awareness is
is key
uh at the end of the day
if you wanna be successful in business
and have a positive impact
to serve
uh and to do this in truth
and this is the critical part
I think because you can have a business
but not necessarily deserving not yourself
not others
and not the wider community and not the planet
and possibly also not god whichever god that is
for you and I think your self
awareness allows you to access truth
truth in your own behaviour
your integrity your intentions um
and then to be able to choose how you wish to respond
to different situations
and choose where you put your energy to um
if your vision is truly in alignment
to feel really the whisper of your soul
even to understand what is really an alignment
this is not possible without awareness
another curiosity
do you find that that is an awareness that is
just given
or is it something that you've had to work on
and refine and continuously pursue
within side of the self
oh I think uh
people um arrive uh
in this in this human reality
with different levels of awareness
sometimes
children can display really beautiful awareness
and sometimes you meet someone older
and they're really showing really a lack of awareness
so I think some people do
arrive with more awareness than others
um however
I think it is definitely possible
no I know from my own personal experience
it is entirely possible to cultivate awareness
through dedication through practice
being willing to sit in the fire to ask for help
to have people lead you on this path
um it is really really
absolutely attainable
to cultivate awareness for every person
it just takes a willingness
a willingness to live in truth
to face truth and to do the work
yep
hundred percent I I agree with that um
moving on to maybe something that I
I'm pretty sure you've navigated a couple of times
I think you even mentioned this in a voice note um
just burnout as a as a whole um
what
what has that maybe look like for you from time to time
I'm sure there's there's different variations
but you have telltale signs
that's unique to Gareth when he's like
ooh I'm
I'm treading the line or I've
I've overstepped and I've emptied out my gas tank of
of energy um
and I'm now
got an empty cup
that I'm trying to pour into everyone else
and this just isn't sustainable
um
how firstly
what does it look like for you
how do you then catch yourself within that
and um
how is that maybe shifted in how you approach
leadership within
your your company
and I'd even just say within your life in general
so sure
so for me burnout um
always coincides with a period where there is um
ongoing uh pressures
ongoing um
uh stress
because there is too much to do
and not enough time to do it
and the things that are occurring are perhaps difficult
or even um
are creating tension within myself like uh
within my identity
this is also stressful and takes energy
um and it's always a period
I'm very much in my mind really trying to calculate
uh resolve
fix navigate
um whatever it is that's there and less time in my body
less time in nature less time taking care of myself
so it doesn't happen overnight
but it is um
occurring through a a period of time um
so you know
sometimes we feel like ah
this is a great project I'll take that on
everything looks good OK
we have capacity etcetera and we go for it
but then there'll be a curveball
might come from somewhere else
something you couldn't predict or foresee
and then you have to take care of the new project
plus the situation that has arisen
this could just be literally too much
in a perfect world
you would have enough resources as in team with the
the right skills and um
belief in themselves
to be able to take these things off your plate
but in reality
often when there's really challenging situations
or a new project
that means it comes down to me in my capacity to
to manage it right and this is where I often end up uh
in a little bit of a burnout situation
because there's just too much to do
and of course
the trap is to give up the work to somebody else first
you have to invest time
in them to understand how to manage it
so it's hard to get out of this
out of this circle so for me the um
the antidote is to take time out
which I've actually done um
I was recently overwhelmed
uh due to some situations uh
out of my control that arose
and I really had to handle them
on top of a new project exactly as I described
um and fortunately
I was called to and invited to a retreat
and this retreat became the cut
so I just walked away turned off
took care of everything
so that everything would be fine for a week
turned off my phone and entered this
a beautiful space for 4 days and recalibrated
um this is what recovery looks like to me
and now of course the question
well what about after the retreat
yeah the situations are still there
but something truly beautiful unfolded in this retreat
where I now have a deep knowing
I received a very deep understanding and recognized my
my personal identity
attachments to the struggles that I have in my field
and realized that
um they are not as important as they seem
and all
I do have to still dance through these situations
I can do it without attachments to the struggle
and ultimately they can't touch me in my core
the real Gareth is not touchable by these situations
so I don't need to stress
so that's how I'm feeling
so next week I go back to work
and I'm curious to see if I can
hold this uh
belief this recalibration
and take the steps to move through these challenges
so this is what burnout
stepping out and then coming back look like
at this point in time on my journey
it's a very clear process
um
I I
I just wanna pause that for permission slip
for individuals that feel like it
everything just feels really intense
so it's really that whole practice of stepping
away from the problem
realizing that you're bigger than the
problem and you're able to come back in
with a fresh set of eyes
just to taking that space and giving
giving everything a little bit of breath room
breathing room um
yeah well
well managed on that
whilst you're still taking time off
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
um
so you've you you mentioned
retreats
so you've facilitated retreats now over the years
and a couple of workshops uh workshops
um and held space for others um
what do you find is one of the universal themes
um that you've seen within men today
especially those carrying the weight of
performance and provision
so I think
I think there are
there are really some common themes today
um it's really around self worth
self belief
uh shame
even about simply being a man
there is layers of shame associated with that um
and uh presence
hmm as in cultivating presence
you know this is something uh
that nearly all men need to practice and develop
uh to be able to
operate and be
in a sensitive way
to the nuances of interaction with women
with brothers with children
within their field within their space
to be able to witness the nuances
and then understand how important their presence is
I think this is a gift that all men should
strive to receive to be able to step up in this way
but first there is work to do
there is work to do around self belief
limiting beliefs
uh and wounds to heal and clear yeah
that's the main themes I believe
just touching on the on the the self worth component
what
what do you feel that the recurring belief is there
what if you were to verbalize that that belief
what is it that you've heard time and time again
through these interactions
yeah yeah
yeah what I see a lot of is I am not enough
I have to prove my worth I have to earn my worth
love has love has to be earned
hmm this is a really
really a clear clear word hmm
and it's a it's a
it's a vicious cycle that cycle of pain
and seeking that validation over and over again
and you do and you do
and you do and you're unable to receive the
the fruits of your labor but they've
they've been available to you the whole time
it's just you don't see it
as a as a father
how has your understanding of masculinity
and leadership changed I think fatherhood is the
the greatest responsibility that a man can have
and I think it's also one of the most potent ways
in which we can show up and create um
a better future for the world
I think parenting is is one of those really key areas
not just directly from the parents
but also societal
so um
this is again
where presence and connection is so important
to be present with your children
to be connected with them to see them
and to honour them
you know to really honour your children
that they are not little versions of you
that they have really different personalities
and to fully accept them exactly as they are
and to accept them exactly as they are
and to provide
a safe space for them to explore the world from
and I think you know
this can also be applied to business
leadership in general
so whether it's your children or your uh
friends or your employees
it's the same rules apply
everybody wants to be seen accepted
uh and given the space to be them
um yeah
I think that's
that's what fatherhood has really taught me
in leadership
and I and I think right now
to be honest it's a
it's a it's a
I don't I would even say a call to arms for
for men to really start showing up for themselves
and showing up in their households and
and really being the facilitators
and like you said that safe space
cause right now the homes
homes are being broken up um
through a lot of confusion
a lot of propaganda
a lot of very interesting conversations
which previously
weren't necessarily entertained to the same degree
and um
I think coming down to just principles and values
of just being a a good human being in a custodian of
of the family unit it's so important
because all this change starts at home
all this change starts with how you care
and honour yourself and honour the people in your home
because
it's great that you wanna be this incredible leader
outside of your home and
you know around society
but then you come home
and everything's just falling apart
you have no connection with your wife
no connection with your kids or partner
whatever the case may be
it's an interesting time that we
we get to live and explore ourselves in
so I think there's a lot of big questions
that we know the answers it's
just sometimes
it's a bit uncomfortable doing the work
to
actually make the changes that we know we need to make
there is a lot of noise um
around the whole concept of doing the work
and I think maybe it's less apparent for men
but it it's something that there's you
you touched on it earlier
was just being able to raise your hand and say
I actually need help and support
I'm
I'm not necessarily sure what that next step looks like
um for you
what does doing the work actually mean
and how do you stay connected
to your own process of embodiment sure
okay
so I also just wanted to actually just comment on the
the parenting uh
aspect again and just
it just comes up for me to recognize that um
it's a really big job
that our generation has the opportunity
and now this awareness to do something
because parenting for the previous generations
has really not been that good
in the western world for a lot of people
there's been a lot of disconnect
um a lot of shaming
a lot of not seeing and not honouring children
and this is what we've inherited
and this is what has been given to us to move
and it is up to us
and it is a responsibility to do the work
to break that cycle
to break that multi generational um
inherited trauma um
I just wanted to yet acknowledge that it is
it's a it's a tough case
we've been given a tough thing to do
you know um
but it does become um it it is necessary
it is necessary
and it does come down to doing the work
so that flows into into your actual question about
what does doing the work look like
well it's it's a dynamic process
it it changes
um
and there's so many different kinds of work to do
there really is there's so many so um
for me joining containers such as yours Nick
this is doing the work and within that container
you also introduced me to so many different practices
um from uh
movement things like yoga um
through to energy work
through to subconscious shadow work
also through
uh teaching me and enabling me to feel
so to feel is is doing the work
allowing yourself to fully feel is doing the work
in fact it's probably some of the most potent work
is to allow yourself to feel pain
and release
the association that this is necessarily suffering
but to honour it as a necessary
and beautiful part of human existence
is also to feel pain in your heart
to feel emotions
without this
you cannot fully feel joy
and without this things can't move
so I think one of the biggest things is feeling um
there is a lot of deconditioning to do um
and a lot of stored uh grief or anger in the body so uh
in yoga somatic practices
um etcetera
can really release
release this stored tension
so there's like
there's a clearing of the stored tension uh and
and trauma within the body
there is this opening of the heart
to allow yourself to fully feel
and to be able to also feel others
um there is the undoing of beliefs where
you know childhood experiences
may have made you feel a certain way
like I'm not enough
so there will be subconscious beliefs there
there is meditation practice
you know the ability to be still and cultivate focus
you know without focus you're kind of just
you know
flying around uh
without a clear direction
um and there is yeah
also this also cognitive understanding of um
many concepts like um
attachment systems
psychology um
and also getting to know
getting to know many tools that are very
very supportive like astrology readings
human design um
gene keys things like this are also super supportive so
so doing the work looks like so many different things
and I think at the end of the day
you should do all of them
and it also means taking care of yourself
so going to that retreat taking that holiday
sitting by the ocean
um
and another very important thing actually
that comes up right now
and I think it's really important today is uh
dopamine addiction you know
phones above all else media
uh and substances alcohol
cigarettes uh caffeine
uh all fine in certain doses
all beneficial even in certain ways
but I mean we wanna live a good life
we also wanna live a happy life
so you know
we shouldn't be too fully extreme against everything
but this is also a really important
part of doing the work is seeing
what is it you are avoiding
feeling when you pick up the phone
because there'll be something there
so long answer but it's a
it's a really broad topic and there is just
there is so many ways to do the work
I think you verbalized that beautifully to be honest
yeah and there's more that I haven't mentioned sure
sure um
no thank you for sharing that
I think a lot of people just think it's a you know
I read a self help book
and there's a practice or two in there
and I take it
and I take that nugget and I move with it
and sure that's great
but there's a
there's layers to this and there's a there's a
a never ending depth
you can just go deeper and deeper and deeper
and carry on exploring
and really getting to know thyself as you
as you progress
but thank you thank you for that
that's that that was really really broad and I
I think that touches on a lot of different areas um
so that that would be an
idea of what doing the work looks like
so just
you
sitting on the other side of someone who continuously
dives in
and is willing to shift things and change things
and recognizes that we all have blind spots
we always gonna have blind spots
and we always gonna have these moments
where we might feel stuck
or might feel burdened or might feel overwhelmed
for for someone that's listening right now
and feel stuck in between who
who they've been and who they're essentially becoming
um
what would you say to them
what
what would be that next brave step that they can take
sure sure
so again doing the work also involves
sitting down and having a really honest
conversation with yourself to really
really feel yourself
and this might mean sitting on a couch for an hour
and just not allowing yourself to be distracted
and feeling into who am I
and what is it that I need
and in the beginning
probably there will be quite some stuff coming up
um
and this practice may need to repeat it again and again
in order to really feel
like really
who am I and I think just this practice
will also
lead to many invitations of other kinds of work to do
because
stuff will come up that needs to be seen and processed
holding yourself really compassionately
I would also to say to somebody who's in that space
like really hold yourself with love and compassion
because you are perfect exactly where you are
in that moment maybe it feels a bit overwhelming
maybe there are many questions
maybe you're unsure
maybe there are things you don't like about your life
you don't like about yourself
be compassionate with yourself
love yourself you are on your journey
and this is the necessary part of your journey
to feel that
and just be hold yourself in love and support like
like you would a child
and then invite OK
let's take the steps
it's all OK let's take the steps
it's a it's an uncomfortable place to start
but it's a necessary one so yeah
thank you for sharing that yeah um
so moving on to just a a
I suppose a lighter note um
you're you're
you're the man of the hour here where you're
you're travelling
you're doing retreats to circumnavigate your burnout
through your self awareness
you know you needed some space
um you're busy scaling your company
and I I suppose stress testing a couple of things
what what's next for you at this moment in time Gareth
what what are you creating
exploring
or being called into as that next chapter of life
um fatherhood impact business
yeah if you
if you're willing to share what's in the year right
yeah sure
sure sure
ah it's a really good question
and uh
it's evolving it's evolving
and
part of my process right now
is feeling into what really serves me
and serves everybody else the best
my business wants to grow and um
it has been a struggle lately
balancing the growth of the business with my own
well being I had some burnout as we spoke about
so I'm really feeling into what is next
there's a couple of really big opportunities
that could unfold if I put energy into them
to expand
uh for example having my uh products in supermarkets
Germany wide the door is open
there's an invitation there um
or landing one or the other
a big contract that could lead to big growth
there's a few opportunities there and just checking
you know is this in alignment
would this be in alignment
there's also
opportunities and invitations to expand the cafe uh
business as you know there's three uh
it's operating as a
as a kind of a franchise with essential production
and it could be 100 in theory
you know it's
people love the product and the concept
and it's really about OK
does this serve what is my motivation
which part of me is getting lit up
is it a part inside you know there's fire
you feel the fire inside this
to me is really valuable
indication that something is in alignment
or I can go for it but we have to be very careful
because it's subtle difference between
the fire of purpose and the neediness of unworthiness
to prove because it never ends
first it's a nice car then it's a boat
then it's a mansion
then it's whatever and you're still unhappy
you know so I'm feeling into this
there is a bunch of business opportunities um
and uh yeah
I'm also curious to see what unfolds
that sounds exciting
something you
you touched on something there that
that the fire of purpose
and that void of unfulfilment and lack of meaning
and I
I just need to keep on validating my existence by doing
and doing and doing and doing
and filling it up with things
I think a lot of guys are gonna relate to um
if if people want to connect with you or
or just touch base with you
where can they find you um
what would be the best way to connect with you
um
sure sure
um yes
so I'm on Instagram
my business is on Instagram
um find me cafe
you can find it pretty quick and uh shoot me a message
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